(Disclaimer: To a friend of mine) I know you're going to read this sooner or later, maybe a day later, a week later, or a month later. Be it how long you need, i'm still going to say these.
It hurts me so bad that you're so fucking silly. Yes it's your relationship and no one knows in depth of you two other than you yourself. But babe whenever you cry in front of me, you know it well enough that you're pretty exhausted. I know love is blind love is magical love is unexplainable, and you guys have thousands of good memories to remember, and for that you don't want to give up so easily.
But please just think for once, how many times have you been crying over split milk? Crying over how nobody is going to knock some sense into your boyfriend and ask him to grow up? If you're crying over your boyfriend's childish acts and character, then you fucking wipe that tears and BE the one who's going to scold him sense. It's never going to work if he's ALWAYS going to step on your head and let you be the one right beneath his feet. You need to speak up.
Sometimes you're thinking as Oh no if i give up on him so easily i ain't even proving to him and everyone that i really love him? Love is not possessing. You don't need the actual him to love him.You gotta make him experience what is pain when losing you. And if he never knows how does that pain feels, then it's you who needs to learn the fucking pain that he was never truly in love with you.
Everyone has eyes and we don't say for the sake of fun, for pleasure or to see you suffer. I always mean well for you and when i finally told you "I'm out of here" it all means i clearly know that all in your mind right now is only your delusional world with him. And to you all you need right now is just him. You may (or may not) say "I need you ah!", but you'll be lying through your teeth for saying that, when you don't even care to salvage our friendship.
For how many times have i proven to you i'll always be here for you? And i truly proved to you i mean what i said. Honestly speaking i know it very well enough no one has been a better friend to you compared to me. I've done quite alot for you i would say, insisting on heading to your area to chat because i don't want you to think alone and think worst at home. I know how sucks that feels. I insisted on grabbing beer and drink with you because i know at least it could drown your sorrows. Because i know even if it was just one minute of forgetting the pain, it was at least a minute of making you stronger. I never once judged you for anything you told me that you didn't wanna tell others, cos in my eyes i know deep down you're one kind hearted girl, you are you, the one i will still be there for no matter what.
For how many times have i proven to you i'll always be here for you? And i truly proved to you i mean what i said. Honestly speaking i know it very well enough no one has been a better friend to you compared to me. I've done quite alot for you i would say, insisting on heading to your area to chat because i don't want you to think alone and think worst at home. I know how sucks that feels. I insisted on grabbing beer and drink with you because i know at least it could drown your sorrows. Because i know even if it was just one minute of forgetting the pain, it was at least a minute of making you stronger. I never once judged you for anything you told me that you didn't wanna tell others, cos in my eyes i know deep down you're one kind hearted girl, you are you, the one i will still be there for no matter what.
For how many times was i at your place, how many times have i hear you out, how many times nobody was there but only me? How many times i was supportive of your decisions despite all the criticism others gave? But there was just once i needed you and asked you for a chat, but what i got in return was "I'm with my boyfriend leh." At that i knew instantly when you're with him you won't spare a minute for me. But for you i could cancel my date w Jon, despite quarreling with him badly the day before, despite already not meeting him for a week and more. Because i know i could not bear to see you suffer. I salvaged you before i salvaged my own relationship. Ask yourself if you were me, could you or rather would you do so?
For how many times i took to go through damages/heartbreaks to learn to protect myself, i wish you only have to go through ONE and then wake up. Babe, please i'm not even discouraging you from lasting your love but please think about it, when right now i'm at my wits end of helping you, it all means i really feel everything is taking a toll on you already. And i genuinely feel the heart ache for this friend. You didn't have to go through this. Please speak to your boyfriend, speak up for yourself, solve the problems that have been piling up. Stop shoving it aside, letting him tease you and thought laughing it off means you two are still better off. I want you to be happy and i know the greatest way to how anything can make you happy is only him. Then PLEASE speak up for yourself. Whether or not the guy right next to you is him or which ever else, i'll always respect and support your decisions. All i'm asking for you is to speak up and stand for yourself. You need to find a way to convey everything to him, you need to find a way to make him understand. That is truly the only way for you to stop all the craps and be happy once and for all.
Learn to tell him "No i did not do it. Believe it or not." and not "Baby please i didn't do it, please listen to me, please talk to me, please trust me." You're not the one in wrong, so act according to your conscience. The fact that you typed the latter to him means you're allowing him to step over your head AGAIN. Wise up babe. Speak up for your damn self.
At the very end of the day, even when i feel so much for you, empathise you, say i don't want to care anymore, i'll always always still be here rooting for you. I'll never forget to grab carlsberg when you need them. Text me when you need me silly fool.
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I totally forgot all about the pictures i took inside my camera for Kelly sis's wedding!! Now looking back everything still feels so blissful and i would like to share it here! :)
^ The ones i grew up with, and will always keep them closest to my heart.
Having to grow up together, and witnessing one another grow/mature, and now even all of us watching Kelly sis walk down the aisle. Looking back at that day warms my heart so much :')
While Carmen was back for a good 2 weeks, i had a great time meeting her as often as i could and chat over our meals. She's the one i spent most of my childhood with, drinking ribena, playing barbie dolls, sleeping together, showering together, baking, bowling. I really miss it when her entire family is just at the other end of Singapore, and not the other end of Earth :(
Also met up with my poly babes after being separated for almost 3 weeks because of internship! Caught Insurgent together which i felt was goooooood, and later went over to Verve for a farewell drinks session for Anna! Anna is one of the full-timer in Froth and a pity so many of the ones who witness Froth's birth together has left one by one :(
^ Miss being sampat with them in school all day :(
^ My favourite babies visited me at Froth while i was at work that day!! Much misses because i've been so busy i hardly get to meet up with them now :(
Met up with Crystal for dinner at Khatib the other day too! She told me she wanted to pay by nets first and i could pay her cash afterwards, who knows right next she rejected my money and told me it's her treat. This girl. Everytime we meet is a good catchup from when we stopped :)
Oh right i have not mentioned much about my internship at OCBC!
The other day i was about to get scolded by one lady colleague for not shredding the customer's confidential information but instead disposing it in the cisco bag. But it wasn't a deliberate mistake because when i first came in, my supervisor only provided the cisco bag at that time. Not until that day then i knew no more disposing into cisco bag but shredding it instead. Thinking i'm sure going to get bawled out, one of my colleague Nurul (who is not in the same department as me) actually bore the scoldings for me and when asked by the lady colleague who was the main culprit, Nurul just kept on saying she don't know she don't know. Nurul walked up to me silently afterwards telling me she knew it was me but she also knows it wasn't deliberately done. She said she is receiving monthly fixed pay and nothing will affect what she is going to receive. But i had intern grades that affects everything and she said "I will take the rap for you." I was touched beyond words, honestly.
And so many more of my colleagues, whether or not they are in my department, treats me so well. They take care of me like their daughter and are patient when they teach me something new. Always walking past my table at times and offered "Darling you had your lunch? Want some of my kueh?" or "Girl after you're done you help me tear these letters and send out alright? I trust you."
It feels so good to be surrounded with really nice colleagues and supervisor. I admit i am really lucky, and i enjoy my time interning at OCBC :')
Alright in a bit more i shall get to bed! Month of April, what? Please slap me hard now.
