Move on.
I'm not letting go of these memories not because i am going to plead you to stay, but because our memories were really genuine. Even if this has happened, i won't ever think back and tell myself All was fake. Cos it isn't, we were once truly in love, we really couldn't live without each other, we really made lifetime promises because we had faith in us. But it's time to get up, walk down a lane of our memories, pack them into my fragile heart, and then move on. Not for you, not for anyone else, but for myself.
It all started when you needed ears. I was there for you, you were there for me. Maybe because of my caring side, you slowly fell for me. But it took me awhile to finally realise the feelings were already developing, yet i was still denying. We decided to give it a try.
I did something a girlfriend should never have done, and i know no one in the world could accept this. But you begged me to stay 4 months back and for the first time i saw someone crying for me. I didn't know i could make such a great impact to someone's life and it's as if this guy was really afraid of losing me.
How then i am always emotional and cry easily but you're always wiping my tears and as much as i want to be serious in settling our quarrels, we somehow always find a way to laugh it off and a part of me was mad because "Hey how could you make me laugh so easily haha."
And i never felt more proud when i witnessed you released your full potential at the match, not because you won, but you were already the champion in my eyes.
Holding your hands on streets and lying right in your perfect-fitted arms in the hotel room in Bangkok. It was as if those arms were made right for me. And this world is solely ours. I always wakes up first and when i saw your peaceful and gentle face snoring away, everything feels like a dream, it's like a blessing to wake up right next to this guy. And each time i wakes up right beside you, that feeling gushes in again and again. And i know i will never get sick of this feeling.
When you were back from Taiwan and both of us couldn't stop giggling while eating our sushi because we have never missed each other more than that.
There was one day i slept so well at your place after not sleeping well for days, it really makes me feel so good to be in your room, waking up at intervals and still seeing that exact back view staring at the computer. And when you woke me up because i initally have to rush for the last train, you were right beside me giggling at me, and telling me how cute i was. I didn't know anyone in the world would admire me while i might be drooling or snoring.
And just one usual night at your place, but we were joking about our body parts, and you didn't got angry at what i joked overboard, but you were right on top of me giggling and tickling me. I will never forget that sheepish smile and that cutest giggle you always gives off.
There was once you lied on my shoulders and chest but your shoulder hurts so bad and you had to struggle to get up, but i was laughing because it was ticklish, and both of us ended up laughing in pain.
When you were in the ambulance and you were in so much pain, you held my hands and it was as if i was the remedy to the physical pain of yours. When i see you sleep in my hands on the sick bed, i felt so relieved for the fact that God sent you back right in my arms and i was glad i took leave. And when we were outside NUH eating our durian strudel and you told me how you felt so blessed and told me so much of what you have finally realised after this incident. I knew you mean them all.
And when i was being stubborn and childish quarreling with you non-stop. But you could put down your anger for me and rushed straight down to my place just cos you're worried of my safety. Thinking back why have i turned out so unreasonable? It must have made you exhausted, but you never once complained.
For countless times i give up so easily on us, taking you and our feelings for granted. I kept telling myself i'm tired, but i never stood down and thought for once who was more tired? You had to hang on alone, you were so strong, it must have been hard on you.
And when i saw how speechless and happy you were when i delivered salad to your place, it made everything so worthwhile. Everytime you fetch me from work we hug and kiss each other so hard it's like we haven't seen each other for long when maybe it was just a week. You were my motivation to finish my work fast because i want to see you so badly.
How amazing when you remember the slightest details of me. How i needed someone to cover my ears when i sleep, when i need someone to be here when i have nightmares, how i cannot eat alone, what i don't like to eat, what i like to drink.
And how silly you were when you walked home from tpy to tiong just cos i told you to save money for us but not by saving that way my dear. You're really my silly boobie bear.
Whenever you randomly tells me you love me, or you feel so blessed, i feel equally blessed cos i really sit in the car looking out of the window sometimes, and smile like a fool because you made me love the entire world, you made me love my life, you made me love me and you.
It's karma, it's what goes around comes around. I had to pay a price for the harm i have inflicted on you, yet the countless times you still didn't give up on us. I only knew how a heart could hurt so much only until i physically loses you.
The past 5 months were really the best part of my life to date. You made me finally experienced what is true love. But no matter how hard this is going to be, it's time to let go. Because you found someone who sets fire in your heart, she chose you even though you belonged to another, it was your choice to continue, but this is mine to walk away.
I'll use my way to remember you forever, the one who gave me a lifetime worth of happiness. I'll use my way to keep you closest to my heart. I had you entirely to me for 5 months, that was enough for me to feel i once owned the proudest and best asset that i will never own again.
I could have confronted you. I could have demanded an apology. I could have closed one eye and continue lasting this already-non-existing love. I could have fallen on my knees and beg you to let him go. But i didn't. Because i know this was a conscious choice by him.
So you don't have to let him go. I will.
"We were taught our whole lives to hold on, but it is equally important to know when to let go."
(This post isn't meant to be deleted, just like you.)
