I presume: New phase of life

For the very first time, i detest the idea of blogging.

I've reached a point in life whereby i don't really like to publicize my life too much now. I don't like to tell people too many things about myself. And i don't like people to know too much about me.

Because i'm "struck" by something (recently) again, i told myself, what is the exact purpose of blogging when right here isn't the place i can convey my exact thoughts and feelings? 

What is the meaning of this place when i can't even pen down my thoughts and feelings (or what has happened) knowing that people who reads them will judge me? 

Because ultimately nothing can be salvaged once you publicize it via the internet. Nothing of what you share on the internet will ever be safe. 

So think twice, or even more than twice, when you want to share about your most heartfelt feelings, genuine happenings, or your deep down thoughts. Do you really want everyone to see them?

My answer is an exact no. 

That is the reason why i feel blogging has already defeated its purpose. And I've come to realise that there'll never be a day in life i can ever share even half of what i have been through. I'm not trying to exaggerate at how much i'm going through in life, but i'm here to emphasize how useless i feel blogging is when this place isn't even portraying what i'm fighting or going through every single day.

 People who ain't my closest friends, but are still readers here, i'm sorry if you think you know me. You actually don't. You don't even know what i'm going through, what I've been through, and what i'm really thinking and feeling. So i'm sorry if all this while i'm always trying to be genuine here, but i can't seem to be so entirely.

Fret not (if there's even someone reading this who cares about the existence of this site), i'm not going to dump this place. I still love blogging, i still have the passion for it. But I'm here to make it clear that from today onwards, this place is only intact for a good source of read, no longer where you can discover the real me (if you ever cared to).

Hereby thanking my 4 girls and my halfway bitch for staying put through my toughest times. I don't know how many more tough and extreme situations i have to go through to make thanking you girls enough. I'm sick and tired of these happenings when all i am seeking now is really peace. But all the time i tell myself i'm really lucky, really blessed to have you girls. 

I never expected anything from all of you yet you girls can do SO  much for me. I wish i had a chance to shout out loud to everyone the tangible things you girls have done for me, or tell them what i'm going through to prove to them how true how gold how selfless you girls are. All the things you girls did that i honestly speaking, don't even think i can do this much for someone.

You girls are doing so much for me only because we are friends, lifetime friends. And it's never doing "so much", because you girls genuinely love me, dotes on me, and wants the best for me.

I'm thankful, really thankful. And i'll forever be reminding myself how blessed am i to have earned such true friends that i know will never come easy in life. I really don't know what i have done in my past life to ever deserve such truest friends, such friends that everyone will wish upon a star for, but i have them this easily beside me. I have them with me despite all the ugly past i have. Thank you girls, from the bottom of my heart. 

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I've recently returned from my Vietnam trip! 

And yes if you guys don't already know, my paternal family has a tradition of an annual trip, and it's always held during chinese new year! 

I missed last year apparently, and i was quite sad about it. But i'm glad i'm able to turn up for this year's! :')

^ The Uncle who dotes on me the MOST because he doesn't have a daughter :')

^ Pho Bo, MY FAVORITE!!!! In case you don't know, i really love Pho!!!

^ Only slightly less than half of Yap Family turning up for this trip haha!

^ I just find my daddy (in the middle) so cute in this ;)

^ Mom :')

^ And Daddy!! Who lots of people say i look more like him haha!

^ Shisha night over some drinks!!

^ Daddy looks like Humpty Dumpty, so cute!!!!!!!!

^ Lunch by the sea! :)

I really love my family so much, and i'm always thankful (again, yes always be thankful in life) that i'm born into this family, and none other. 

Having a retreat to Malaysia anytime in my life (that's my hometown) makes me feel so happy because my cousins and relatives make me feel most at home. It's amazing how BIG this Yap family is, yet everyone share the same bond and everyone values this family equally important. 

This trip wasn't filled with a lot of fantastic sightseeing, which was a pity. But on Saturday, we were supposed to take our flight from Ho Chin Minh to Kuala Lumpur, but who knows Malaysia Airlines delayed our flight for 2 hours and later did we know it's cancelled. 

From a supposedly angry reaction, and scolding vulgarities at MAS, it turned out that we were laughing unknowingly. I don't know how, but we started laughing because one of us cracked a joke. And the bus ride from the airport to the newly allocated hotel was the most heartwarming bus ride to date. 

It was the happiest all of us were during this whole trip. I'm glad i got it down on snapchat and saved it into my camera roll. 

I think our family was the happiest among the cancelled flight passengers. And if you happened to see my snapchat video, you will know how bonded this big family really is. 

And my family will be the one i'll never ever give up on, the one i'll hold dearest to heart.

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Finally went for cny visiting at my maternal side today!!! It was great too, along with the fact that it was a farewell dinner for my cousin who's migrating to Melbourne for further studies! :(

^ Happy for my cousin at the bottom right! First to get married among this generation, and first to be pregnant!! Even happier to see how she's carrying a healthy baby in her, and she's really a married and happy(ier) woman now :')

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PS: Below's read is only for those readers who i know have been judging based on the surface

If you guys dont know the entire story, then don't assume you guys do. There's always a reason for everything you guys see now, and perhaps use your brain and think if actually what you see will be what is the entire truth.

Ever heard of what you see on the surface is only the tip of the iceberg? There are a hell lot of things not suitable to say on the internet, and needless to speak for you judgmental people to read.

If you don't know me, don't assume you do. I could have been a villain by exposing all the deeds those people have done bad on me, but i didn't, only because i don't wanna make things nasty, i don't wanna pull down people. But if you think i'm the villain here, then think about you who judged just hearing only one side of the story. Think about the pretentious people around you who only choose to tell you the goods about them too.

And if you know me, you'll know what kind of person i am. I'm definitely not someone who backstab a friend and come telling you people here bad things about him/her. If you know the person well, if you know me well, if you know what truly happened, you'll know there's a reason why i sounded harsh in some posts, and you'll know how much i actually did for him/her.

So don't try to make it easy when you're not even me.

I'm just really glad i have a handful of true friends who knows me at their fingertips, who knows me by heart, and who knows everything that has happened on me. I don't need people like you to understand me because you guys mean nothing to me. To be honest, i am gloating at the fact that i have genuine friends, and you don't.

And i'm really thankful how at extreme dire situations, i can see which birds flock together because they are of the same feather, who fled away cos they don't bother to be with me at my lowest, and who really stay despite anything and everything.

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I think this post sounded like a whole lot of anger but i still hope it was a good read. 

The me now is seeking for peace in life, i just want to lead a happy, simple, and peaceful life with my current love ones. 

And i hope all of those sort will be put to a stop.

Thank you for your time sweethearts, till the next one!