29 October 2014:
This post came a little late but i hope i still get to pen down everything i wanna say.
In a blink of an eye, it has been 1 whole year with you. It didn't occur to me that time has passed this fast, and little did i know that the one who has my heart all along is you.
Thinking back, a year ago, feelings developed just overnight. Maybe it wasn't overnight, maybe it was slowly developing when you constantly confide in me when you're troubled, and maybe it was slowly developing when i pushed away alot of people because of one particular guy, and only you decided to give it your all to remove those barriers. But that night i decided to finally admit to myself, there are feelings incurred.
In other words, i was thankful, because you opened my eyes to what they say is love. Love is only a word, until someone comes along and gives it a meaning.
When i decided to muster my courage and try to accept this guy into my life, i never knew he would be the life-changing one. I never knew everything was going to be this impactful.
This past year i must say, was a major roller coaster ride.
Back then we were two individuals who weren't seeking for commitment, all we were longing for was a companion. From simply seeking comfort from each other (we didn't plan to take anything serious or far, that's how "playful" we were), to slowly discovering things are getting real. To me making mistakes i'll forever be remorseful, and to you proving me otherwise through actions.
Then to us entering into new phases of life, and being tested by what i would say - the biggest hurdle in our relationship. April was the toughest month, but it was the month i did the most soul-searching. It was the life-changing month that changes me from someone who doesn't take him seriously, to someone who is willing to do anything to protect this love. It was the month i grew the most.
It was also the month everyone didn't know how things between me and him got better, but only a few of my friends know.
And then i learned that one can never completely forget a pain you felt in a relationship, you only learn to live with it. And i did, i got past it, and at times i think back and my heart do still cringe a little, but it's all fine because looking at how far we have come now warms my heart.
You know he isn't someone who will second guess my thoughts/moves, and yes sometimes it can be frustrating.... Becos we girls EXPECT guys to know what we are hinting from the sarcastic words we blurt out, or we expect them to know what we truly feel or is trying to convey. But Jon is the exact replica of the typical guy who can never get girls' thinking.
And yes it does makes me mad at times because i'm already feeling petty at him over something, and all he need to do is maybe come coax me like a baby, but in the past he never did, and then i get more and more mad for practically nothing. It is then i realised why not i be upfront?
So it comes to a point in our relationship when i'm getting angry at something minor, i will always say "Can you come coax me?", and then he will giggle at how silly i am, and we actually just get better because we don't hide and expect each other to miraculously understand each other's thoughts.
We can't stand piling our problems.
When we quarrel and none of us budge, after a few hours, either of us will text each other and say sorry. Not because either of us is the one at fault, but it's because we can't stand not fixing our problem. We'll always talk things out and tell each other our individual opinions, and then accept it. Because we used to be obstinate, we wouldn't accept that we think differently. But now it seems like thinking differently can actually open our eyes to more things.
This journey has been full of lessons. We have been constantly teaching each other new lessons, constantly broadening our mindsets to different perspectives. Constantly ripping off different hurdles in our life (like mending his relationship with my parents recently).
I used to think, a once-tainted relationship can never walk any further. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think when trust is broken, it can barely be built back. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think since he wasn't being serious with any girls in the past so i wouldn't be any different from his previous relationships. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think i'll not think about any future with him, but he proved me totally wrong.
He continued holding my hands and walking down this tough route. He had his hectic moments when not even me can encourage him to press on in this relationship, but he only had himself to constantly motivate himself i'm worth each ounce of his effort.
He used life-time examples, actions, and come up with goofy ideas to build back the trust we both tore apart. It was all because of his silly and goofy ideas that slowly but unknowingly pieced trust between us. It was then we could open our heart to each other freely, and we wouldn't rake up the past. It was then we got over what we both have done hurtful, and remind ourselves it was only part and parcel of life, obstacles to make us stronger.
Real love asks us to do difficult things - to forgive one another, to support each other's dreams, to comfort in times of griefs, or to care for the family.
In other words, i was thankful, because you opened my eyes to what they say is love. Love is only a word, until someone comes along and gives it a meaning.
When i decided to muster my courage and try to accept this guy into my life, i never knew he would be the life-changing one. I never knew everything was going to be this impactful.
This past year i must say, was a major roller coaster ride.
Back then we were two individuals who weren't seeking for commitment, all we were longing for was a companion. From simply seeking comfort from each other (we didn't plan to take anything serious or far, that's how "playful" we were), to slowly discovering things are getting real. To me making mistakes i'll forever be remorseful, and to you proving me otherwise through actions.
Then to us entering into new phases of life, and being tested by what i would say - the biggest hurdle in our relationship. April was the toughest month, but it was the month i did the most soul-searching. It was the life-changing month that changes me from someone who doesn't take him seriously, to someone who is willing to do anything to protect this love. It was the month i grew the most.
It was also the month everyone didn't know how things between me and him got better, but only a few of my friends know.
And then i learned that one can never completely forget a pain you felt in a relationship, you only learn to live with it. And i did, i got past it, and at times i think back and my heart do still cringe a little, but it's all fine because looking at how far we have come now warms my heart.
You know he isn't someone who will second guess my thoughts/moves, and yes sometimes it can be frustrating.... Becos we girls EXPECT guys to know what we are hinting from the sarcastic words we blurt out, or we expect them to know what we truly feel or is trying to convey. But Jon is the exact replica of the typical guy who can never get girls' thinking.
And yes it does makes me mad at times because i'm already feeling petty at him over something, and all he need to do is maybe come coax me like a baby, but in the past he never did, and then i get more and more mad for practically nothing. It is then i realised why not i be upfront?
So it comes to a point in our relationship when i'm getting angry at something minor, i will always say "Can you come coax me?", and then he will giggle at how silly i am, and we actually just get better because we don't hide and expect each other to miraculously understand each other's thoughts.
We can't stand piling our problems.
When we quarrel and none of us budge, after a few hours, either of us will text each other and say sorry. Not because either of us is the one at fault, but it's because we can't stand not fixing our problem. We'll always talk things out and tell each other our individual opinions, and then accept it. Because we used to be obstinate, we wouldn't accept that we think differently. But now it seems like thinking differently can actually open our eyes to more things.
This journey has been full of lessons. We have been constantly teaching each other new lessons, constantly broadening our mindsets to different perspectives. Constantly ripping off different hurdles in our life (like mending his relationship with my parents recently).
I used to think, a once-tainted relationship can never walk any further. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think when trust is broken, it can barely be built back. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think since he wasn't being serious with any girls in the past so i wouldn't be any different from his previous relationships. But he proved me totally wrong. I used to think i'll not think about any future with him, but he proved me totally wrong.
He continued holding my hands and walking down this tough route. He had his hectic moments when not even me can encourage him to press on in this relationship, but he only had himself to constantly motivate himself i'm worth each ounce of his effort.
He used life-time examples, actions, and come up with goofy ideas to build back the trust we both tore apart. It was all because of his silly and goofy ideas that slowly but unknowingly pieced trust between us. It was then we could open our heart to each other freely, and we wouldn't rake up the past. It was then we got over what we both have done hurtful, and remind ourselves it was only part and parcel of life, obstacles to make us stronger.
Real love asks us to do difficult things - to forgive one another, to support each other's dreams, to comfort in times of griefs, or to care for the family.
We faced the truth, but we helped each other walk on stronger.
"One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won't let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes you start to see yourself the same way. As someone who matters. As someone who can make a difference in this world."
Crossing the road to his place but stuck in the middle of the junction with incoming cars -
Me: Are you trying to kill me?
Him: I'm just trying to send you back to where you belong.
Me: Where? Your house?
Him: No, heaven. Cos you're an angel.
^ That's how cheesy he gets at times, but surprisingly what i love most about him is not that. I love more of his unromantic yet simple self.
Sometimes our relationship gets plain and boring, and that's inevitable, but none of us can deny that we still love how comfortable we are with each other, and we know no one else can make us feel more safe and protected than us as a whole. Moving on to a plain stage of our relationship doesn't mean the feelings have faded.
Somedays, nowadays, i bump into you in school, and i smile to myself because i fall in love with you all over again just by looking at how everything you are is now a part of me.
Sometimes i sniff your cologne on your wrist and i realise i get more addicted to it because i can't get sick of smelling it the whole day. It's one-of-a-kind of cologne, the smell of the cologne together with the smell of your skin (like a baby), and i know i will always be able to distinguish this smell from everyone else's.
I'm quite at it for smell haha!
All in all i would like to say, if life actually has its way to make me re-pick my past's decisions/choices, i will still pick you. Because no one else makes me feel more safe than you. No one else will ever work more just to provide me with more expenses to spend (even though i am working myself). No one else will take his license just to drive me home. No one else will put my hair behind my ears when i look unkempt. No one else will kiss my forehead non-stop when i cry. No one else will chide me for how revealing i wear. No one else will make an effort to mend his relationship with my parents. No one else will listen to my lengthy "lectures" and still think i make sense. No one else will think my ugly lips are cute. No one else will make an effort to prove me wrong in my assumptions. No one else will accept everything about me and forgive me when it's tough to. No one else can stand everything of me, when i can't even stand myself. No one else will ever love me more than you do, Jon.
You are special, you're different. We have come a long way, and i hope one day we share the fruit of our labour together. Happy anniversary :')
