Ever realise we only use harsh words on people who we love & treasure alot? It just comes out so easily that we don't even realise it.
I know i am not doing a good job in terms of a sister or a daughter. I have been trying to mend everything because i know i am probably the root of every single thing. I tried many ways but it just doesn't work. And i am really not good in words, i don't know how to put across what i really feel and what exactly affects or agitates me. I know the more i say the more i worsen things so i thought keeping quiet might help. But in fact it doesn't too. I know how much my family weighs to me, how much they means to me, that's why all the more i am trying to keep it intact. Whether you see my effort or not, or i probably didn't even help a single bit, i really did try. I even tried making you feel more loved having a sister if you ever felt less loved from pa ma or everyone. I thought that's the least i can do since i cannot control what they wants to do/feel. & there are many other things i wanna say, but i just don't know how to start, because i know by weighing all the things you've done for me, you're a better sister than i do. So in what position am i to tell you what exactly affect/irritates/agitates me? "Girls cry because of a build up of emotions, not just over a single issue." I couldn't stop crying not because i am very angry over those little issues. My tears started to fall because i felt more hurt than angry afterwards - for what you say "Don't call me jiejie anymore." it was an equal death sentence to what you said in the past "i hate this family."
I am so stressed up in school because i can't cope. I feel useless because i am afraid i am just wasting my parent's money if i can't even excel. I am so stressed up in this family because i don't know how to make it better. I am so stressed up with every single thing, because i know i am a total failure.
(Blogger app is in a huge mess, what's up with the fonts and bold by itself)
